Political Games - Where the fuck’s the reset button?

Yes, I know my readership isn’t exactly die-hard eagles fans (Iggles), but I figured I’d throw this out there, and I want everyone to burn it into their brains for the next 12 days. From the Associated Press:

[E]ven with Owens, they probably are only the NFL’s third best team.

The real Super Bowl was played Sunday in Pittsburgh.

First off, “only”? “Only” the NFL’s third best team? They’ve “only” been the NFL’s 3rd best (according to the AP) 4 years straight (and were about 6th the year before). That’s pretty freaking awesome. Even the Patriots had 2 bad years over the past 5.

Secondly, let me remind you all high and omniscient football prognosticators; you’ve been dead wrong the last 4 years about the Super Bowl. Dead. Wrong. Let’s start with the 2000 Super Bowl (played in ‘01, for those unfamiliar with football’s post-season structure). It was the Baltimore Ravens vs. the New York Giants (coincidentally, the team that had knocked the Eagles out of the playoffs in the Divisional Round that year. This is a recurring theme). What were these high and mighty AP writers and ESPN analysts predicting? With the Giants dismantling of the Vikings in the conference game and the Ravens having one of the best defense ever, the game was predicted to be a low scoring affair, with the anemic Ravens offense doing little against the Giants decent defense, and the real battle being fought when the Giants had the ball. One analyst even suggested that Baltimore’s Defense would probably score more than its offense. So how did the game play out? Well, the Giants did little, and were even worse than I thought they were going to play (and I hated them, so that gives you some idea). The Ravens, meanwhile, actually moved the ball, got into scoring position, and *gasped* got a few touchdowns on their own! Wow! So much for that anemic offense. Oh sure, the Ravens defense played insane, but the Giants didn’t live up to their end, and the “close, low-scoring game” was a blow-out by halftime. So much for that.

Now, that year wasn’t so bad, I suppose, especially when juxtapositioned with the next year’s Bowl. Wow. Simply put, the media both sucked and blew on this one. The St. Louis Rams, then the power-house of football (and the team who had eliminated the Eagles in NFC #1), were expected to annihilate the tuck-rule-aided, lucky New England Patriots. The Rams, after all, were one of the highest-scoring teams in recent memory, and the Patriots weren’t exactly known for their high-scoring abilities. In fact, shock and disbelief rang out through FOX Studios when prognosticator Jimmy Kimmel picked the Patriots to win the game. The lighting system behind him during his segment flashed “Seriously?!” The guys in the booth (J.B., T.B., Howie, and asshole Chris Collinsworth) ridiculed Kimmel and predicted a blow-out. Oops! The Patriots took a 14-3 halftime lead. They held the Rams to 3 points in the 1st half! Holy shit! The Rams made a valient come-back and tied the game before miracle worker Adam Vinatieri kicked a last-second field goal to win the game.

Well, surely the media learned from their mistakes and got it right the next year… right? Wrong! That year (2002, if you’re following), the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (who had beaten the Eagles in NFC #2) played the Oakland Raiders in what was billed as a defensive battle between 2 defensive teams… hah. The score was 20-3 Bucs at halftime, and 27-3 after the Bucs’ first possession. 24 of those points had been earned from long, time-consuming, yard-gaining drives by the offense. The Raiders only field goal had come off a turnover. The Bucs quickly intercepted a pass and returned it for a touchdown, right before the Raiders began to light up the scoreboard. They scored 3 touchdowns in the span of about 1 quarter, all of them offensive. Only 2 scores down, the Raiders were then put down by 2 touchdowns returned for touchdowns for the Bucs in the final 90 seconds of play. Even taking out the interceptions returned for touchdowns, the score would have been 27-21, Bucs. That is a much higher-scoring game than predicted by the “experts”, yes?

Ah, which brings me to last year. The game that has the most significance to the Birds. Last year, the resurgent New England Patriots played the upstart Carolina Panthers (who… oh, you get the idea. it was #3). Everyone recognized how powerful the Patriots were, but they ignored (as the Eagles had) the talent and guts the Panthers had on their roster, instead saying the “real” Super Bowl had been Indianapolis at the Pats in the AFC Championship game. The “experts” predicted a blow-out, and instead the Panthers fought tooth and claw, holding the lead sometimes, and forcing the Patriots to win… on a last-second field-goal.

So, here we are again. Let’s see what sage advice I’ve heard in the last 2 days… Firstly, someone suggested that the “only NFC team” with a chance to beat the Patriots was… the Panthers. *blink* wait, you’ve said that the NFC sucks, so the 15-3 winner of the Conference doesn’t stand a chance, but a team with a 7-9 record (who lost to that 15-3 team by more than 20 points) stands a chance? That’s ridiculous! The other thing I heard was that if the Packers had advanced to the NFC championship game, they might have beaten the Eagles and then the Patriots. What?! The team that couldn’t beat the Vikings at home and lost to the Eagles by 30 points could beat them and the Pats, but the Eagles can’t? Arrrgh!!!

In closing, and coming back to the idiot who wrote this AP article, it doesn’t matter when you think the 2 best teams played, or that you think that was the “real” Super Bowl. No matter what, the actual Super Bowl is in 12 days, and the best team from the NFC will be playing the best team in the AFC. 60 minutes of football will decide who is the best team in the NFL, not some idiots with a computer who’ve been wrong 4 years in a row. But to all those doubters and “experts”: please, keep picking the Pats. Keep dissing the Birds. Keep saying that we aren’t good enough, that our team isn’t good enough, our players not good enough, our coaching not good enough. Cause if there’s one thing that has motivated time and time again, it’s being doubted by the sports media.

p.s. Oh, and Rush Limbaugh is officially an idiot. And to all you apologists for him at school? You can go sit in the corner now. No matter the season stats, McNabb did the thing not even the unstoppable Manning could do: win a championship. And now he’s going to be trying to do what not even Dan Marino could do: win a Super Bowl.

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In case you missed it, radical American cleric James Dobson “outed” Spongebob Squarepants as the newest recruit for the Gay Agenda. Irregular Times covered the story, with their usual dose of heavy sarcasm:

EEEEEEEEK!

Did you know that SpongeBob SquarePants is promoting the HO-MO-Sexual Agenda?

Well, it’s true! It must be true because three fundamentalist Christian mouthpieces – Agape Press, the American Family Association, and James Dobson’s Focus on the Family – say it is true.

“Does anybody here know SpongeBob?� asked James C. Dobson as he took the microphone in front of assembled Republican members of Congress and other conservative Republicans assembled in Washington, D.C. to celebrate George W. Bush’s return to power.

Does anybody here really know SpongeBob? I mean reeeeeeeeally? This is a character who regularly holds hands with a starfish named Patrick! Sponges and starfish just aren’t meant to hold hands. It isn’t natural. And now…

…and now SpongeBob SquarePants is one of a shocking array of HOLLYWOOD ELITE CARTOON CHARACTER CELEBRITIES who are promoting the homosexual agenda. Ho-Mo-Sexual!

How do the fundamentalist Christians know this to be true? Why, it’s simple! Follow me:

* SpongeBob SquarePants
o Appears for slightly more than ten seconds in a video
+ Produced by an organization
# That has a website
* That has a link to a page
o That has the following sentence on it:
+ “To help keep diversity a wellspring of strength and make America a better place for all, I pledge to have respect for people whose abilities, beliefs, culture, race, sexual identity or other characteristics are different from my own.�

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

As James Dobson puts it, “Their ‘tolerance pledge’ is not only unnecessary, but it crosses a moral line.� A moral line!

How dare they suggest we have respect for people whose sexual identity or other characteristics are different from our own? Respect for differences is immoral! The word “respect� is even kind of lispy!

[read the whole thing; it gets even more ridiculous].

Of course, the Leaders of the Gay Agenda could not stand idly by and let their representatives be “outed”! So they responded:

!!! EMERGENCY NOTICE !!!

Our beloved secret mascot SpongeBob Squarepants and the head of our Childhood Homosexual Indoctrination Program (CHIP) has had his cover blown by our most feared adversaries, Focus On The Family. Their infiltration of one of our soon-to-be released school videos, pumped full of hidden messages promoting our Agenda, as well as subliminal messaging to induce SSA, was discovered earlier this week. Despite the best efforts of our elite Men In Rainbow (MIR) agents to locate and destroy all evidence before it could be brought to light, FoF has successfully released its findings to the media.

The Super-Duper Supreme Council has been contacted and instructions for all active and sleeper agents are forthcoming. With any luck we can stem the tide of parental awareness and still win a few new recruits to our cause.

Curses! A pox upon Focus on the Family! And their little dogs too!

But on a more pleasant note; progress in completing the first active Gay-Bomb utilizing the unfinished recherché started by the US government is coming along quite nicely and far sooner then expected. The ultra-gay scientists seemed to redouble, even triple their initial efforts when it was released that the first testing of the bomb would be at the Superbowl. Yes… that should be a VERY interesting game indeed. I imagine the football will not be the only ball that gets manhandled… MUAHahahha

Until our next contact, be careful Out there.

- Agent PrismaticShard
Sub-Commander of Covert Ops and the Infiltration Department

The Super-Duper Supreme Council soon took action (post 24):

TOP SECRET MEMO

To: NightLad

From: Men In Rainbow (MIR) and The Super-Duper Supreme Council

Subject: Follow Up

First on the Seasame Street beat: We are intstituting a plan to officially OUT Bert and Ernie. This is due in part to their flaggrant flaunting of their lifestyle, but more importantly it will divert attention from the other members of the Squad.

Namely, lesbian lovers Zoey and Rosita. We also would like to keep Big Bird’s gender re-assignment under wraps…errrr…feather, for as long as possible.

We have no clue as to what to do about Elmo.

Off the street…. Barney is still attempting Reparative Therapy. Of course it isn’t working, but we had hoped that he would at least put on a fascade. Hell, we’ve been trying to GIVE him to Focus on the Family for years… but they won’t bite. Damn.

Twinky Winky keeps calling. He can’t score because of the rep. We keep saying…”Dude. You aren’t gay. We can’t help.” Damned Metrosexuals.

In the Disney underground, Charming, Beast and Aladin are getting nervous. Sure, each has a Beard…but they figure its only a matter of time. I mean… there are no little Ciner-charming, Beut-Beast, Aladins running around…are there?

Bugs thinks the Warner clan is pretty safe. Focus on the Family blinked during that whole cross-dressing fiasco. They have made progress with Daffy and Elmer and the lisps.

As always, I caution you to not again mistake your email and your “post to BeleifNet file” as I am sure you are aware of the firestorm this would cause should it be made public. Right tab, not left tab..remember that…

Happy progress soon followed (post 44):

!!! A Happy Update !!!

SpongeBob Anti-Gay Attack Brings Shock And Ridicule
(Official Gay-Agenda Document)

Excellent! Our friends in the Liberal Media are already jumping to aid us in this time of trials. Many News commentators and TV personalities have already spoken up in defense of SpongeBob, and now the center that produced the video, the We Are Family Foundation, is issuing formal statements.

It seems the crux of FOFs discovery of our imbedded Agenda is due to the fact that the We Are Family Foundation has a non-discrimination pledge posted on its website that includes, among many other forms, “sexual identity.” The Family Foundation debated removing the aforementioned form of discrimination, but opted to leave the pledge intact. Their video likewise supposedly includes allusions to this form of sexual identity.

Yet it remains unclear as to why SpongeBob alone was Outed. Clearly his participation in this video could not have revealed the truth of his sexual orientation and covert mission. I suspect an FOF mole has somehow infiltrated our network.

By order of the Covert Ops and Infiltration Department, all Active and Sleeper Agents working for and in connection with the We Are Family Foundation are to French-kiss their contacts at the first possible opportunity in a secure location. If any should balk at this form of contact, report them immediately. The Men In Rainbow (MIR) and Women Homosexuals In Purple (WHIP) will be dispatched at once.

One way or another, this WILL be dealt with.

Be careful Out there.

- Agent PrismaticShard,
Sub commander of Covert Ops and the Infiltration Departmentous

discussion on the real issue at hand here, check out, once again, David Neiwart.

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Well, it’s 2 months old. I just found it, and I thought those of us in the Philly region might be interested in it. The site is YoungPhillyPolitics.com. Check it out if you get the chance.

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Otto:

The “Fairness Doctrine”????

Do you hear yourself?

“If people don’t want to hear the drivel we spread…then by God, we’ll force ‘em to!!!!”

People hear what they want to hear and listen to what they want to listen to. If you forced the media to air equal time that doesn’t mean their will be any more viewers.

But following your twisted socialist logic, at that point we can just send them to re-education camps.

You are not an American. You are a communist.

And I could give a f*** what you think about that.

My Response:

There are several inherent flaws with your argument. Let’s start with your claim that “people don’t want to hear the drivel [liberals] spread.” Using the election as a kind of test, it can be determined that at least 48-49% of the nation is barely left to radically liberal. Although it was, as someone else noted, “the Republican’s day,” some voices actually rebutting Mr. Bush’s (and others’) statements would have made the reporting not only more fair, but more accurate according to the political climate.

The election, of course, is a poor method to determine the viewpoints of the people in the country. For a more nuanced view of this, might I point to FAIR’s article “I’m not a leftist, but I play one on TV”? Besides some scathing anecdotal evidence showing how left and progressive voices are consistently suppressed, FAIR includes a sidebar which addresses your argument: “Are progressive views unpopular?” Conclusion: No! Go to [link to www.fair.org] for a longer analysis (scroll down for the sidebar details).

Moving on to the next part: “People hear what they want to hear and listen to what they want to listen to.” I’m curious, does this mean you only hear what you want to hear from us, too? What exactly does it “sound” like we’re saying? Or better yet, why are you “listening” to us if you don’t want to?

“If you forced the media to air equal time that doesn’t mean their will be any more viewers.” I wouldn’t expect their to be many more viewers, but at least the viewers who already watch would be getting more viewpoints than just “republican republican republican republican centrist democrat republican republican…”

“But following your twisted socialist logic, at that point we can just send them to re-education camps.” Um… I’m confused how you went from “multiple viewpoints should be represented on the air” (and that includes your own, too, btw) to “socialists are going to send us to re-education camps!” That’s one messed up slippery slope argument…

“You are not an American. You are a communist.” Actually, my birth certificate clearly shows I was born in this country. So yes, I am an American. And my political orientation places me as economically left and socially libertarian (according to the political compass).

“And I could give a f*** what you think about that.” Well, I gave a f*** enough of what you think to take the time to respond to your post. I hope that you will extend this courtesy.

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